Done!

So I've been trying to be nice about telling my friends she needs help. She's not listening at all and its really upsetting me. She says she doesnt need help and that she's fine. Except I see her going through some of the things I was going through when I was at my worst. So I know help could do wonders for her. Anyways last night I decided I was going to talk less to this friend and here I am today and I've spoken a little to her but not as mush as usual. This girl has been my best friend for 10 years so its difficult not talking to her but I want to stand my ground. However, since I've caved in and spoken to her a little I decided I'm just going to lay everything out in the open and if she's pissed at me then I don't care because I'm pissed at her! The worst part is how this conversation turns out will decide our friendship. I don't want someone who can't take my advice and I dont need someone that is down in the dumps when I'm working my way back up again. I'm not saying my friends can't have bad days but she is more than having a bad day, she's been through a lot and she needs someone she can talk to.

jlo

Is it Saturday yet?

Slept in today and then had school. We actually had a lecture for a little bit of class but as always we got to leave early. Since I've been home around 1pm-ish I've looked at a college website and that is all I've accomplished today. I could of done homework, chores, watched some tv but no none of that sounds interesting so now im getting irritated because I'm going crazy outta boredom. My mom is always like do something there is plenty to do but not if you cant sit still for any of it. I would even take a nap but I'm not tired. On days when I'm bored and just sit around I sometimes cut myself. So I'm really hoping I find something to do soon or that my parents come home right after work. I don't know. Also, tomorrow is back to work for 5 days in a row but I don't want to go. I have no choice but to go otherwise I lose my job and I need my job. However, I'm not use to having a consistent schedule so it drives me crazy to not have multiple days to myself. Like I hate having and job and school so I can never like go to the hospital for a "break" from the real world. It's nice in there not having to worry about where you need to be and such. Though, my parents would never let me go to the hospital again. They don't think people go in there just for a little break to get themselves back together....they say I need to do it all on my own while I'm balancing school and work. It sucks! Well I'm going to go because this is just upsetting me that I can't take care of myself.

Nephew

This is another tough subject that it might help me if I blog about it. I have a nephew from my second oldest brother. When he was first born I was so sad because this brother was not in my life and I didnt think he ever would be. (Also, growing up seeing all my friends become aunts I never thought I would get to have the title of aunt with who I have for brothers.) But after High School my brother came back into my life and he brought his son who we shall call J. J was the most beautiful boy ever, he looks just like my brother did back then. I was so excited to have a nephew. Then a year or two passed and my brother was in jail and my nephews mom decided none of us would be in J's life anymore. Like literally she got her phone number changed and didnt tell me. Now as of today I havent seen my nephew for over a year. Last year I bought him a stuffed animal Walle for his third birthday but I never got to give it to him. So I still have Walle and for awhile I just had him sitting in my room collecting dust but now I snuggle him at night and try to remember my nephew whose going to be four this month or next month....I'll need to look on the calendar. I have prayed to god that my nephew will come back into my life, he meant everything to me even if I was nervous around him but I want the chance to spoil him rotten and see all his firsts....like first gf, first day of school, prom.....Theres so much and I dont want to miss a second of it! UGHHHHH Well I'm going to leave end this with an I love you J! Even if you wont see it but whoever reads this will know I love you.

jlo

I hope I'm not dreaming...

I got to go to my high school today and visit my favorite people. I havent mentioned to any of you that I wasnt allowed to visit really for the past two years after high school. I didn't leave my school on a good note and I needed help and they couldnt help me there. However, this summer I went and visited my principal. She's the lady in charge of when/who I get to visit. I filled her in on whats new in my life and she noticed a change in me. So that got me the privledge to visit the people I've been wanting to visit. It was so wonderful to see them all, we were able to have some good laughs. They said to check in with them in 3 months, whether they meant it or not who knows. What a great day!

jlo

Perfect!!!

So Perfect by Ellen Hopkins came out today! I pre-ordered it last month and it arrived today. I've only read a couple pages because I'm actually not in a book reading mood or it could be because its to hot out. I highly reccomend any book by Ellen Hopkins, I've read all of them so far and I am going to continue to read them as they come out.

Look around at Ellen Hopkins Books

-jlo

Back to the Real World

So today is my last day of "vacation", meaning tomorrow is back to work. I'm excited to go back to making money. Today I had school and went to the library. I got Doctor Who season two, Law & Order SVU, Hoodwinked Too, and some Scooby-Doo movies! Yes I am 20 years old and want to watch Scooby-Doo, I even put Scooby-Doo on my Christmas list for this year. Now for another subject lets talk boys. Theres this guy that use to live a couple streets away from me and he had a crush on me in High School, then I believe it was after High School he asked me out but I turned him down. Then just a couple months ago I got interested in him but he was over me. However, now I believe he is back to being interested but I think all he is concerned about is getting sex. I'm not like that though. I'm not just going to have him ask me out and then the next day want to get in my pants. I guess you could say I'm old fashioned but I want to save myself for the right guy at the right time. I don't want to sleep around with billions of guys, I'm better than that! Oh, and good news! Perfect by Ellen Hopkins comes out tomorrow so my copy should be coming any day!. Well I think I'm going to go to bed now.

-jlo

Guess not....

I've been meaning to blog about this for a couple days now. Right now I'm hurting so nows a good time to talk about it. When you graduate High School everyone says you and your friends will go seperate ways. I said I wouldn't let that happen. There was this one girl I became friends with my freshmen year of high school. We had at least one class together I'm pretty sure every year so we grew close. The kids at school would ask if we were lesbians because we would hold hands and walk around. Truth is I loved her....like a friend, I could tell her anything. I thought she was my best friend. Then we graduated and she went to a university and I stayed close to home at a community college. We talked every once in awhile the first year and we tried to see each other when she was home. Then the second year she was away we became distant. I didn't want to accept it. I tried to talk to her and see her whenever she came home. However, this whole summer I only saw her once and that was at the end of the summer. I tried talking to this friend on facebook today and I didnt even get a response. So I guess we have just gone our seperate ways and it hurts so bad because I dont even know why. She failed me a lot as a friend I guess. I had to much faith in her I guess and so now it hurts to she im nothing to her. And if this friend happens to stumble upon this and read it and know its about her then I want to say I still love you, I think I always will but I know now that friends do become strangers eventually.....

jlo

Ahhhh Boys Have Cooties!!!

Okay, so I should fill you all in on whats been going down. I did my review for my raise on Tuesday and I'm pretty sure I got the raise and then Wednesday I worked and after work I got pulled into a meeting for a write-up and got suspended for too many lates and absences. So today was my first day of suspension out of 3 days. I had therapy and I feel it went really well. I wish I could go to therapy next week too but I am broke as can be. Then I did something for a friend and I think I did the right thing but I dont know. And just now I came home from hanging with all my friends we watched Jennifers Body and it was hysterical. One of the guys that was watching the movie with all of us has a secret crush on me I believe. We talked about how everything is going on and when I left he told me to text him sometime so we can get together...so to me that sounds like "hey I want to get to know you better" but who knows. Well I think Im going to bed now. I'm tired.

-jlo

Blahhh

So the weekend was decent. Went to my brothers saturday to play some Halo and he bought me lunch. Then sunday I went over to a friends house for movie night but I was lame and didnt manage to stay up too late. And as of today, monday, I've been just taking it easy playing some video games with my parents....Yes my parents play videogames, we have recently fell in love with Dokapon Kingdom. Oh, also, I read some of Sisterhood Everlastinng. I'm trying to rush through it so I can lend it to a friend so I have someone I can discuss it with. Another thing is I'm feeling shaky today, I'm not sure if its my anxiety or what. It's possible it could be my anxiety though; I have a lot on my plate this week. Tomorrow at work I find out if I'm getting suspended because I was late 4mins, it was entirely my fault and if I get suspended I will accept it, theres not much more I can do. Then tomorrow I have to see if my work will let me take this test to see if I can get a raise. I tried to do it saturday but my work said the weekends are to busy for that so I am to try to do it this week but the date on my paperwork was for yesterday so I hope they are not going to say that I missed my opportunity. For thursday I have two appointments at the same time. I have to choose between my therapist and my dermatologist. It's an easy choice for me though my mom disagree's with me. I feel that I need to see my therapist so we can figure out whats going on and why I am backtracking rather than making progress but my dermatologist might charge me a cancelation fee and I'm broke this week so its just pure chaos. Well I must go now dinner is done. Goodnight!

jlo